Why Slicing Should be the Preferred Method of Preparing Oranges

This is an orange.

They are delicious and healthy.  What should be a staple in everyone’s diet, unless of course you’re allergic…

These are the peelings of said orange.

The white stuff on the inside is kinda’ gross, and the orange stuff on the outside, the zest, is only good when grated up and put in other things.  Either way undesirable when one is simply eating an orange.

This is what an orange looks like when it has been peeled.

This is a horrible way to prepare an orange for the following reasons:

  • It’s near impossible to get all the white stuff of the pieces of orange.  This can make the pieces of orange tough to chew and swallow.
  • Face it.  It’s a pain in the ass struggling to get that peeling off that orange. This method requires maximum effort.
  • It often requires the use of a spoon.
  • Your hands can get uncomfortably sticky.  This is a bad thing… you know… unless your into that sort of thing.
  • Our studies (two plus decades of orange eating experience) have shown that it can often be a time-consuming process.

This is an orange that has been sliced.

This is an excellent method for orange preparation.  This is the way of the future.  WAY OF THE FUTURE!  Here’s why:

  • Takes very little time.
  • Minimum hand stickiness to orangey satisfaction ratio.
  • Does not require the use of such a blunt and primitive instrument as the spoon.  It does however require the use of a knife.  Knifes are definitely cooler than spoons.
  • It is very easy to eat the delicious flesh without ingesting too much disgusting white stuff.
  • Frustration level practically zero.

The End.

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Reflections- Lemon Meringue Flavoured Pudding

Lemon meringue pudding is of course inferior to actual lemon meringue pie.  However, when said pie is unavailable, the pudding variety can serve as an okay substitute.  The lemon may be lacking, the meringue missing its airy fluff and the crust may not be present at all, but this little snack can satisfy the cravings of even the most discriminating lemon meringue pie lover.  Dare I say that this tart cup be worthy of mention alongside the greatest pies, forged by the greatest pie-smiths of recorded history.  No, I dare not.

Miracle Whip- WTF is this?

What’s the worst thing to ever happen to sandwiches?  The answer my friends is Miracle Whip.  For 78 years this vile substance has been invading our sandwiches.  Nothing is worse than biting into a delicious looking sandwich and finding that instead of some nice delicious mayonnaise, you have been tricked into tasting Satan’s semen.

ANNNDDD… for the love of Jeff Goldblum STOP CALLING MIRACLE WHIP “MAYONNAISE”!!!!  It is not fucking mayonnaise.  It is whipped salad dressing, and it is gross.

I bought a sandwich at the little cafe in the store I work at today.  It clearly stated that the sandwich had mayo.  I paid $7.02 in total for this  sandwich and a delicious chocolate milk and that includes my 20% employee discount.  It turned out that the sandwich was loaded up with miracle whip.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask that when someone pays that much for a fucking sandwich, that it contains fucking mayonnaise and not fucking miracle whip.

Next time, I’m getting fucking mustard on my fucking ham and swiss.

 

The Intensity of Chili Peppers

What chili peppers are hot, and what chili peppers are not?

Chili peppers are measured using the Scoville scale.  The more Scoville scale units (SHUs), the greater the amount of Capsaicin present in the pepper.  Capsaicin is a chemical that stimulates the nerve endings in the skin.  It’s what gives a pepper its heat.

Pure Capsaicin clocks in at about 15,000,000- 16,000,000 SHUs.  That’s pretty fucking hot, I doubt it’s a good Idea for anyone to even come in contact with that shit.  The stuff that police use as pepper spray comes in at a searing 5,000,000- 5,300,000.  Still pretty hot.  If that’s not a deterrent, I don’t know what is.

Moving on to actual chili peppers.  The pepper with the highest rating on the is the naga viper chili.  It was created in the United Kingdom by cross breeding the three hottest peppers known to the world.  Researchers tested it and found that it measured1,359,000 SHUs.

Naga Viper Chili

Rated at about 580,000 Scoville units is the red savina habanero.  Which is a specially bred version of the standard habanero chili.

Red Savina Habanero

Moving down the scale you’ll find the habanero chili and the Scotch Bonnet.  Both of these peppers clock in at around 100,000- 500,000 SHUs.

Habanero and Scotch Bonnet

At 50,000- 100,000 SHUs is the bird’s-eye chili.  The Thai name for this chili translates to literally mean “mouse dropping chili”.

Bird's Eye Chili

The cayenne pepper comes in at a respectable 30,000- 50,000 Scoville units.  Cayenne is typically dried and ground.

Cayenne Pepper

Clocking in at about 27,000 on the Scoville scale are these chili peppers.

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Clocking in at 10,000-25,000 SHUs is the serrano pepper.  This is the chili that I most often use when I’m making chili.

Serrano Peppers

The popular jalapeño pepper clocks in at 2,500- 8,000 scoville units.  This really puts this list into perspective.

Jalapeño Peppers

At 500-2,500 SHUs we have the poblano pepper.  A fairly mild chili.

Poblano Pepper

At 100-500 SHUs we have the pimento.  Commonly used in stuffing olives, or making pimento cheese.

Pimento Peppers

Right at 0 on the Scoville scale is the bell pepper.  Bell peppers have no significant amount of heat.

Bell Peppers

 

 

Things I’m Nostalgic About II

A continuation of https://wademack.wordpress.com/2011/03/16/things-im-nostalgic-about/

This is a list of things that I’m nostalgic about.  They all give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.  Most of them were a common part of growing up in my area in the 90′s and early 2000′s.

– The sound of Mr. Dressup’s scissors 

There was nothing like the crunching sound made by this magical dual-bladed cutting instrument.  Many a sheet of construction paper did I devour trying to make my Crayola safety scissors sound the same.

– Blowing into my “Shadows of the Empire” cartridge to make it work

Blowing into a game cartridge was always the first step in troubleshooting.  I just wanted to run around as Dash Rendar and shoot some stormtroopers.  You could also use the cheat codes and float through walls n’ shit.

– “The littlest hobo” was the best show on TV (if you had two channels)

A stray German Shepard who wanders from town to town, helping people in need?  Sign me up.  It was better than TV church.

– Dunkaroos were the king of the lunch box, but they never came with enough icing

Who couldn’t love cookies dunked in icing?  It’s basically candy, and that’s what I wanted.  You never quite had enough icing for all the cookies though.

– The sound of a computer connecting to the internet

I can still remember a time when connecting to the internet involved tying up the phone line for the seemingly 17.5 hours it took to download a 30 mb file.  We put up with it, because it was all we knew.

– Inspector Gadget was a moron

One thing was apparent in this cartoon I held so dear.  The protagonist was a bumbling idiot, but he always got the job done in the end (maybe with a little help from Penny and Brain) and that is admirable.

– I only ever saw worlds 1, 4 and 8

I honestly can’t remember a time where I didn’t take the warp zones whilst playing “Super Mario Bros”.  The only worlds I know are the first, fourth and eighth.


Juice Boxes- WTF is this?

As a kid I loved juice boxes.  There was nothing more satisfying than drinking my juice from a box.  There is just something about the boxed variety that strikes a chord in my heart.  Sipping on the straw, feeling the flexible cardboard in my fingers, tasting the sweet nectar of the gods.

There is only one problem with juice boxes at the age I am now…

They’re just  too fucking small!!!

Is it too much to ask that juice companies package their juice in something that takes more than 3 sips to finish?  Of course I can purchase cans and bottles, but it’s just not the same.  I would totally buy juice boxes all the time if they were of a reasonable volume.

Juice isn’t the only thing I’d like to purchase in boxed form.  I think individually portioned boxed wine would sell well.  Bottles of wine, and larger boxes of wine are just too much if you’re only having one drink.

In short, I believe the beverage industry would benefit heavily from the introduction of larger sized drink boxes.  That is all.

Things I’m Nostalgic About

This is a list of things that I’m nostalgic about.  They all give me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.  Most of them were a common part of growing up in my area in the 90’s and early 2000’s.

– Mr. Noodles were the shit!!!!

Cool people didn’t eat this stuffed cooked.  Oh no.  The preferred method of preparation was to crush them up in the bag, pour in the package of seasoning and shake the shit out of it.  This process covered each morsel in salty goodness. Let’s just say that it was ten times better than any potato chips.  These bags of goodness made it into my elementary school lunch box quite often.

– I played through Pokemon Yellow too many times!!!!!

I did of course have other gameboy games, but no other game spent as much time inserted into my gameboy pocket, than Pokemon Yellow Version:  Special Pikachu Edition.  I knew this game like the back of my hand, and it never got boring.

– The kool Kids watched Power Rangers!!!

If you grew up in the 90’s, and that theme song doesn’t give you the warm and fuzzy feeling of nostalgia, you don’t have a soul.  I dressed up as a power ranger two Halloweens in a row.

– We didn’t care that our movies weren’t in HD!!!!


As much as I support the HD revolution, and enjoy watching HD content.  As a kid, I didn’t care how my movies looked. As long as I was entertained for an hour and a half, I was good.

– Minivans had fake wood paneling!!!!


My parents never owned a minivan (thanks Mom & Dad), but somehow seeing one of these ugly now rustbuckets driving around makes me nostalgic for an era where convenience reigned over style (or was it the other way around).

– Everyone owned Beanie Babies

Everyone owned and loved these bean stuffed animals, they were in style way before webkinz.  We even bought the beanie baby guides, and protectors for the tags.  If you accidentally ripped off the tag it was the end of the world as you knew it.

– Pokemon cards were the currency of the playground!!!

We bought, sold and traded these cards.  Actually playing the game was secondary, and you always hoped for a Charizard when you opened up your booster pack.

– Sega Genesis was the shit!!!

When I think of video game systems in the 90’s I can’t help but look back fondly on the Sega Genesis.  The graphics sucked by today’s standards, but you didn’t care.

And so ends my list of things I’m nostalgic about.  Who knows?  I may make a part II.

Pepsi Retro Throwback

I just about shit myself when I saw a stack of this stuff in the grocery store.

It’s logo and the words “Made with Real Sugar” intrigued me.  Would this be all that different from the Pepsi that I grew up with?  Since the 1980s, PepsiCo (as well as most other soft drink manufacturers) have been making their soft drinks with HFCS (High-fructose corn syrup) instead of natural sugar.  Being born in 1988 myself, I have never had “real” sugar sweetened Pepsi.

There was no other option.  I had to purchase me some of this magical looking beverage.  I picked up two cases and fled for my home to try it out.  I can’t say that I like it better than the Pepsi I know and love, but I do enjoy it.  It’s taste is somewhat smoother than its modern brother and seems to have less of a harsh bite.  I would recommend that everyone try it while it’s still available, maybe it will stir up memories in some of you older folk.

Recipe- Classic Thyme Roasted Chicken in Mushroom Sauce

This dish is simple and delicious.  It’s great any night of the week, and it’s quite easy to prepare.

Ingredients

  • 4 chicken legs
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1-2 cups of mushrooms, sliced (your favourite kind)
  • 1-3 cloves of garlic, chopped (to taste)
  • Dried thyme (to taste)
  • Kosher salt & black pepper
  • 1 tbsp of butter
  • heavy cream (as much as you need)
  • Olive oil

Part 1:  The Chicken

  • Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Pre-heat a large skillet on med-high.  When the skillet is hot, add the olive oil.
  • Place the chicken legs in the skillet and sear on both sides for 1-2 minutes, or until golden brown.  Do not burn.  As the second side browns add the mushrooms, onions, garlic and thyme.
  • Season to taste with kosher salt and black pepper.  Place the skillet in the oven and roast until cooked through.  Chicken is cooked when internal temperature reads 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
  • Remove the chicken legs from skillet and place on a serving dish.  Cover it with tinfoil and let it rest as you prepare the sauce.

Part 2: The Sauce

  • Place the skillet (still containing the mushrooms, onions and pan drippings) on hot burner.  If there is excess juices from chicken, drain some away.
  • Add heavy cream to de-glaze pan.  Simmer and reduce until sauce looks thick and creamy.
  • Add butter just before sauce finishes and check for seasoning.

Part 3: Putting it all Together

Pour the sauce over the chicken and serve with roasted potatoes (or rice) and a green vegetable.  I like to garnish the chicken with some finely chopped parsley.