Miracle Whip- WTF is this?

What’s the worst thing to ever happen to sandwiches?  The answer my friends is Miracle Whip.  For 78 years this vile substance has been invading our sandwiches.  Nothing is worse than biting into a delicious looking sandwich and finding that instead of some nice delicious mayonnaise, you have been tricked into tasting Satan’s semen.

ANNNDDD… for the love of Jeff Goldblum STOP CALLING MIRACLE WHIP “MAYONNAISE”!!!!  It is not fucking mayonnaise.  It is whipped salad dressing, and it is gross.

I bought a sandwich at the little cafe in the store I work at today.  It clearly stated that the sandwich had mayo.  I paid $7.02 in total for this  sandwich and a delicious chocolate milk and that includes my 20% employee discount.  It turned out that the sandwich was loaded up with miracle whip.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask that when someone pays that much for a fucking sandwich, that it contains fucking mayonnaise and not fucking miracle whip.

Next time, I’m getting fucking mustard on my fucking ham and swiss.

 

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4 thoughts on “Miracle Whip- WTF is this?

  1. Pingback: Twitter Identity: Wade MacKinnon « Melon Media

  2. you poor baby…. Miracle Whip instead of real mayo.. Ahh…. I bet you used to play barbies with your 1st blood cousin while you were fucking her in the ass, too, right? You’re a scrawny little bastard, I can tell, and I would love nothing more than to rn your ass over with my police car you queer.

    • I usually don’t approve comments as ignorant and petty as your’s. I don’t think your comment deserves to be dignified with a response, but I’m going to give you one anyway. Why, you ask? Because I thought that my readers would get a kick out of your gross misuse of a keyboard and internet connection.

      I bet you used to bully other kids on the playground, push them around etc. You didn’t like kids that were different, and God forbid one of those kids was a minority. The truth is, you were the one that was different in your Hulk Hogan sweat suit and greasy mullet. Both given to you by your chain-smoking, alcoholic, drug addicted Mother. Maybe if you had taken a bath more than once a week as a kid, you wouldn’t have been such an outcast. You would spend your days sitting on the dirty tobacco and whiskey stained carpet waiting for your next beating.

      See?

      I can make false assumptions and broad generalizations too. However, even if any of that were true I wouldn’t feel bad for you. You’re a horrible person. The kind that makes me sick to my stomach. I sincerely hope you’re not a police officer, or in any position of authority for that matter. You’re a backwards, homophobic asshole that natural selection forgot.

      You go ahead and eat your Miracle Whip, I don’t give two flying fucks. This article is a joke, kind of like your brain. I’m surprised you can read, let alone use a computer.

      Fuck you Rodney.

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